Power Forward

Lamar Odom, an all-time fave and the only thing I can remember not loathing about the entire star-fucked Los Angeles Lakers organization, lies all but dead in a Las Vegas hospital bed from multiple organ failure, surrounded by Kardashians after receiving highly publicized visits from Kobe Bryant, Mitch Kupchak and – wait for it – The Reverend Jesse L. Jackson. A former Sixth Man of the Year and otherwise fallen angel by all accounts, Odom deserves better. Surely the basketball Gods, if not the Devil himself, could have retired Odom’s number directly by the hand of whores back at the Ranch rather than subject such a true baller to the indignity currently being served up hourly by ESPN, Twitter and TMZ.

Power forward, #7.